


Liar in the Shadows

by nyren_is_tired



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Depression, Gen, Pre-Episode: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Light Sides (Sanders Sides), shadow AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28561719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyren_is_tired/pseuds/nyren_is_tired
Summary: Some (rare) days, Janus feels good.On these days he doesn’t have to deceive his shadows.Most days, however, he does. Why would he want to show the others his tortured heart?Nobody knew it possible for a side to deceive their shadows - the thing that showed their thoughts and feelings whether literally or not so literally on wherever they landed. That just made it all the easier for him to deceive them with and about his shadow.But on some days, Janus just didn’t have the energy.A//N: I'm pretty certain I'm the first person to come up with this type of AU (those are probably the wrong words I'm looking for, I don't know) and I originally posted this on wattpad.*Triggers will be added to tags as needed*
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Liar in the Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me over here with **another** unfinished new work *side eyes myself*

In the mindscape, thoughts and desires are more open to each other. No, the sides weren’t necessarily more open than with Thomas, no, they wore their hearts on their sleeves. Or, more accurately, whatever their shadow is being cast onto. See, their shadows were what showed each other how they were feeling, and what they wanted. However, this was not always very literal. This oftentimes could confuse one another as to what was needed - most often Logan. Because their shadows could range from very literal, to very metaphorical, it was regarded as merely a tool to help each other. Nobody could deceive it, either, so they could not lie with a literal shadow. 

Not until Janus became desperate, that is.

You see, Janus is Deceit. Self preservation. Guarder of secrets. And, besides his priority - Thomas - these applied to his own secrets, as well. So, he became desperate to find a way to deceive his shadow. 

He found, after countless sleepless nights pondering, that if one were to deceive the train that met his shadow with information on how he is, then the shadow would appear to match it. Or, you know, he could just avoid light. But, he figured that would just raise alarm to the situation as they’d grown up with their shadows. So, he altered them instead. However, that took a lot of energy. Energy that on some days, he just couldn’t come up with. 

Those were days like today. Days where, he just didn’t have the energy for anything. He was just tired. So, so unbelievably tired. What could make him so tired? Simply put: Life. He often ran out of energy just by getting out of bed, or thinking about how if he gets up, he has to deceive his shadow another day. Deceive others. Pretend he’s okay when really, all he feels is pain. Intense, numbing pain, and tiredness were his norm. Wish to be better, wish to be happy, and desire that he isn't who he is, where he is. Existing. Simply existing was so tiresome. Yet, he knew that he had only one true out that wouldn’t kill Thomas.

Fading.

Fading was the only way a side could die. If their function isn’t used for awhile, or they aren’t interacted with for some time, they can fade. Their function would remain present once they faded, but the consciousness attached to it would not. Ducking out sped it up, of course. And, Janus mused, if you locked your room from entry whilst ducked out, it would be made easier. Nobody could barge in unless you unlocked your room from barring entry in all forms. Nobody to try and convince you - not through a door, that is - that the burning, starving pains you’d get were worth it.

Due to this, Patton and Logan made it obligatory that people are open as much as they can about their shadows if asked about them. As well as that one should always confer with others regarding how they’re feeling - and be open to listening to others.

Alas, Janus disobeyed both of these rules. And on days like today, when he had no energy, he talked through his door to Patton when he was checked on. That way, at least he didn’t have to face him, and his shadow.

But sometimes, the lack of energy hit randomly, and he’d excuse himself for a bit to try and scrounge together more energy to feed the train with. 

However, today he couldn’t seem to say ‘no’ to Patton properly, and he wound up attempting to scrounge together energy to be with Logan and Patton for some time. Thus, he was now sat in the living room with the two. Yet still, he couldn’t seem to scrounge together the energy to even refrain from lying on the couch instead of sitting upright. He was thankful that at least the sun wasn’t shining in such a way that would cast his shadow at that moment.


End file.
